I’m going to share my guilty pleasure with you guys (because I totally trust the FWI circle): I love a good reality TV show.

A lot of them can have trashy moments, but there are still so many real human moments you can learn from.

One show that I like is called Married to Medicine, and there was a season where the friend group (castmates) helped prevent a decades-long marriage from ending.

Why am I bringing this up?

Because there are so many articles, social media posts, and TV shows that highlight how friends can tear down each other’s romantic relationships, and so very little on how they can build them up.

This blog post is all about teaching you ways to support your friend while she’s in a romantic relationship and how to support her relationship.

7 Ways to Support Your Friend’s Relationship

1| Give Genuine Advice

In real, healthy friendships, friends often seek one another for sound advice, especially regarding their romantic relationships.

It’s an honor and a privilege that they trust you to share intimate and potentially vulnerable details of their relationships, and that they value your insight.

With that being said, here are things to do (or not do) when giving your friends relationship advice:

Be objective

Let’s be real for a second: when it comes to our friends, our natural response is to have their back.

Right, wrong, or indifferent, we tend to have more empathy for them because we know them and we love them.

And while that’s a great quality to have as a friend, that mentality can be unhelpful when providing them with sound advice.

Your friends trust you to have their best interest at heart, so have faith that they can handle you viewing their situation from both parties’ perspectives to come to an objective conclusion.

Put yourself in the shoes of both people in the relationship, and try to identify what you believe will bring them both happiness and validate each of their feelings.

Hold your friend accountable

This tip goes with being objective when giving advice because sometimes when you look at the situation in totality, you may find that your friend is in the wrong.

Her behavior needs to be highlighted and you (in a loving and grace-filled way), should hold her accountable for her actions.

Put the mirror up to your friend and say, babe, I love you, but look…”

Give realistic advice

I once vented to a friend about my love life and he told me, “Amanda this ain’t no fairytale.”

And I whined because why can’t it be?!

But in all seriousness, it was a truth I needed to hear. I wanted that friend to feed me bubblegum dreams, but I would have wasted so much time with unrealistic expectations in my relationship.

That’s not to say you should advise your friends to settle or have low standards, but instead, provide them with advice that will strengthen their relationship and not push their partner away.

Don’t give unsolicited advice

There will be times when your friend is just venting.

She is going a mile a minute and getting it all off of her chest and when she is finished, before you open your mouth to respond, ask her if she wants your thoughts and opinions.

Sometimes, people think they are seeking advice, but what they really want is a safe space to connect the dots out loud and figure it out themselves.

2| Be Respectful

You respect your friend, so you also need to respect her relationship.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t like her partner, she does, and that person makes her happy and you love your friend being happy.

Here are ways you can respect your friend’s relationship:

Don’t bad mouth her partner

You know the saying your mama (or somebody’s mama) taught you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Don’t put her in compromising situations

By this I mean, don’t knowingly do something that you know could cause an issue in her relationship.

For example, before you invite your friend to an event that you know her ex is attending, you need to give her a heads-up and see if she is comfortable going.

Allow her to discuss it with her significant other instead of blindsiding her, upsetting both your friend and her partner.

Focus on the positive in their relationship

I learned this excellent tip online from The Friendship Expert Danielle Bayard Jackson, and that’s to find a way to focus on the good in your friend’s relationship.

For example, let’s say your friend is excited because their partner posted a picture of the couple for the first time on their social media.

Instead of saying, “It’s about time he stopped hiding you,” you can instead say something like, “That was such a pretty picture he posted. Your hair looks amazing!”

That way the focus is on supporting your friend and not dissing her relationship.

3| Don’t Judge

When your friend opens up to you about her relationship, that is not a free-for-all for your judgment.

You should create a safe space for her to express herself without the fear of it being thrown back in her face to condemn her (because, newsflash, you’re not God).

Here are some ways you can be compassionate to your friend’s relationship:

Don’t make her feel stupid

If your friend is overlooking questionable behavior from her partner, find a way to expose her to it without saying she’s dumb.

Don’t compare yourself or your relationship

Everyone has boundaries, limits, and standards for their relationship, and what one person deems okay, another person may not.

Nobody is wrong, every relationship is unique. Saying things like, “Oh I wouldn’t go for that,” is not helpful (because maybe you wouldn’t, but is that a necessary comment?).

Be understanding

When you seek to understand, you show that you care about comprehending your friend’s feelings and actions, instead of actively trying to critique them. You’re not trying to be right, you’re trying to be a friend.

4| Respect Boundaries

When your friend is in a romantic relationship, there are boundaries she has in place to protect it from outsiders, and as much as you’re her bestie, even you need to honor them.

Here are ways you can respect the boundaries of your friend’s relationship:

Don’t pry

Maybe you’re used to talking about any and everything with your BFF, but there will be things about her relationship that will be off-limits to you.

Whether you already know the topics she’s not comfortable discussing, or you find out in real-time when she chooses not to divulge, leave those conversations alone.

For example, you and your friend used to discuss your sex lives when you were younger and had boyfriends, but now your friend is married and is no longer comfortable having those conversations, you need to respect that.

Respect her as a girlfriend

There are some things you just don’t do as a woman, and even more so as a friend, to and with someone’s significant other.

For example, don’t add her partner on social media without her consent (unless you were already friends with said partner beforehand, but that’s a different conversation)

Real-Life Example

One summer, I was walking home from work and my friend’s boyfriend saw me and offered me a ride home.

I knew he had no ill intentions and neither did I, but I called my friend before saying yes, and for good measure, I had her stay on the phone with me until I got home.

Maybe I was being extra, but imagine had I not called her and someone saw us and told her a complete lie. That would have been devastating to her relationship and our friendship.

Respect her life change

When your friend gets into a romantic relationship, her priorities change, and that’s normal.

She needs to nurture that important relationship too, so she can’t pick up every call or hang out every weekend.

Don’t make her feel bad for being in love.

It’s one thing if she goes completely MIA and drops you like a hot potato when she’s in a relationship, but if that’s not the case, then support her new life changes.

See related blog posts:

THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

7 KEYS FOR NURTURING FRIENDSHIPS WHILE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP

5| Help Her Be a Girlfriend

We help our friends study for tests, prepare for interviews, pick out outfits, and do their makeup, so why not help them be great girlfriends, too?

And let’s not make this weird, I don’t mean you telling them what to do like you’re some relationship guru.

Instead, I mean give them some tips and help them find fun and new ways to show up in their relationship.

Here are ways you can help your friend get her girlfriend on:

Brainstorm thoughtful gifts with her for an important milestone in her partner’s life
Swap date ideas
Be her photographer and help her get the perfect picture to send to her boo

6| Be There During Ups and Downs

There’s no way I could have written this blog post without discussing this topic.

Every woman needs a supportive friend as they navigate the highs and lows of their romantic relationship.

I want to emphasize supporting our friends when their relationships are good because when it is, it’s easy to believe they don’t need us, but that’s just not true.

Don’t be the friend who only shows up when something is wrong, be the friend who shows up regardless.

Check out these ways to be there for your friend’s relationships throughout the different seasons:

When the relationship is on a high

Appreciate how happy your friend is
Celebrate her milestones (engagement, marriage, moving in together, etc.)
Pray over her relationship

When the relationship is on a low

Be a shoulder to lean on
Focus on what your friend needs, and not what you think she needs or what you think is best for her
Pray over her relationship

7| Be Honest About Concerns

What we’re not going to do, is support a relationship that is detrimental to your friend’s well-being, whether that’s mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Unfortunately, toxic relationships are a thing, and truly if you see something, you need to say something.

FWI Disclaimer: While I offer helpful tips, I'm not a therapist. If you witness a friend experiencing abuse, or any situation that makes you feel your friend is unsafe, please seek help from qualified professionals immediately.

Check out these things you need to speak up about when it comes to your friend and her relationship:

Manipulation

If you notice your friend’s partner is always lying, isolating her from her family or friends, love-bombing, or showcasing controlling behavior, find a way to bring this to her attention.

Make sure you use facts and real examples to expose these manipulating tactics.

Disrespect

Disrespect manifests in various ways, here are some of the more obvious things you need to talk to your friend about:

Her partner belittling her or any aspect of her life
Her partner yelling at her or calling her out of her name
Her partner talking bad about her to other people or online
Her partner blatantly cheating on her or being inappropriate with other women (Related Blog Post: WOMAN’S INTUITION OR MIND YOUR BUSINESS?)

Abuse

Physical abuse by definition is deliberately aggressive or violent behavior by one person toward another that results in bodily injury.

Emotional abuse by definition is a pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instills fear in an individual to control them.

it’s important to bring awareness to these harmful behaviors, whether it’s being done to her or if both parties are doing it to one another. Sometimes, relationships get to a level of toxicity where neither person realizes it’s gone way too far.

If you believe your friend is experiencing abuse, please don’t ignore it.

I hate to end this blog post on somewhat of a somber note, but the truth is the best way to support your friend’s relationship is to support her. When your friend is happy and healthy, her relationship will be happy and healthy.