7 KEYS FOR NURTURING FRIENDSHIPS WHILE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP
In our last blog post, we stressed the importance of maintaining your friendships outside of your relationship, and now we want to help you to do just that.
Not only do we want to help you maintain your friendships, but we want to help you thrive in them as only an intentional friend could.
We don’t want to mess up our friendships because of our romantic relationships, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we drop the ball sometimes.
And there’s no shame in that! It’s natural because love can be all-consuming in the best of ways.
We want to help you bounce back in your friendships before irreversible damage is done, or better yet, prevent it from going bad in the first place.
This blog post is here to assist you with 7 keys to keep your friendships thriving while you’re in a relationship!
FWI PSA: I am going to be using the abbreviation “s/o” for significant other because I’m not making any assumptions about the pronoun you choose to date. That’s your business. Friendship is mine.
How to Balance Friendships and Romance: 7 Tips
1| Stop bringing your significant other on friend dates.
Your s/o should not be invited to the girls trip, girls night out, girls night in, girls weekend getaway, or none of it!
Whether you want to believe it or not, their presence changes the vibe of the outing.
You’re not going to act like the same person, nor will you have the same conversations with your girls if your partner is in the vicinity.
That’s not to say you’re a completely new person around your partner vs your friends, but different people in your life bring out different types of energy in you.
Your partner’s presence doesn’t just affect your experience, but your friend’s experience as well.
Your girls might not be so comfortable talking about that wild one-night stand they had, or feel comfortable wearing certain clothing around your s/o.
You want the time with your friends to be relaxing, and a safe space for everyone to let their hair down.
Please leave your boo at home!
2| Set boundaries between your friendships and your relationship.
You need to ask yourself some questions and answer honestly:
Am I okay with my friends and my s/o being friends on social media?
Am I comfortable with my friends and my s/o being friends at all?
Am I okay with my friend and my s/o being around one another outside of my presence?
Would my friends be okay with me pillow-talking about their personal business?
Which friend would my s/o be okay with me having my venting sessions with?
Am I respecting the time I put aside for my friendships? Or am I always bringing my significant other up or around?
Am I respecting the time I put aside for my relationship? Or am I always bringing my friends up or around?
Would my partner be upset if my friend didn’t like them? Or vice versa? Or how would I set boundaries between my friends and my s/o if they didn’t like each other?
Be real with yourself about your comfort level, expectations, and needs. Where it’s necessary, communicate with your friends and s/o about what they are comfortable with.
Real World Example
A couple of years ago, gospel singer Kierra Sheard commented that she would prefer to get her friends a hotel room instead of having them stay the night in the home where she and her husband lived.
While it may have been controversial to some, that was HER boundary that she needed to set to feel comfortable in her home.
What did you think about Kierra Sheard’s boundary? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
3| Stop going MIA, ghosting, canceling plans, and ignoring your friend’s calls.
Your friends don’t deserve for you to act like they don’t exist when you are in a relationship.
It’s hurtful to them when you disappear or stop showing up for things that are important to them. They value your presence and the impact you have on their life, and that doesn’t go away when you’re in a relationship.
Of course, they know your availability will change, and that you may not even have the same level of energy, but that’s where you become flexible and adjust to your new circumstances.
For example, if you and your girls used to do weekly brunches, maybe you can no longer go weekly, but could you go monthly?
If you continue to ignore calls and texts, then eventually your friends will stop calling and texting you.
If you continue to cancel plans or not show up, then eventually your friends will stop inviting you to outings and events.
4| Initiate spending time with your friends.
Not only should you stop bailing on plans, but you should also be the one who makes them as well.
When you’re in a relationship, your weekends are easily filled up with things to do with your significant other, but don’t forget to carve out time for your friends.
Pull up your calendar, find a day or weekend that works for you all, and schedule something fun to do.
Friendship is a two-way street, and your friends shouldn’t always have to be the ones inviting you to do something.
Take initiative!
5| Communicate with your besties.
Your partner may very well become your best friend, but they are not your only friend. While it’s great that you have them to talk to, don’t stop talking to your other friends as well.
You had a bad day at work? Tell your friends about it.
You got a promotion? Tell your friends about it.
You found a new show that you love? Tell your friends about it.
Big or small, don’t stop giving your friends life updates. Communication is what helps us stay connected and feel a part of each other’s worlds.
Also, don’t be afraid to talk about your relationship with your friends, just make sure to do so respectfully.
Whether it’s good or bad, your friends are here for all the things that make you happy, and that includes how your significant other treats you and makes you feel.
6| Don’t exclude your single friends, and don’t let your single friends exclude you.
This happens more than we realize, so let’s address it.
Should your single friend go on a couples-only double date? No, they shouldn't.
But does every outing you go on now have the be a date situation? No, it doesn’t.
Understand there is a difference between a date and friends just hanging out.
For example, when my husband was deployed, my married friends would still invite me to go out to dinner with them and their spouses, and it was perfectly normal because we were all a group of friends.
But if it were Valentine’s Day and it was a romantic date type of situation, I would not have attended.
In the reverse, just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you still don’t enjoy doing things that you all used to do together.
For example, don’t let your single friends exclude you from going to the day parties or the hookah spots just because you’re no longer available. You’re an adult, you know how to conduct yourself around single people.
This is where you use discernment and ask yourself, does it make sense for you to be there?
7| Don’t be annoying about your relationship!
Again, your friends love that you’re in love, but you don’t have to be annoying about it.
What do I mean by that?
Talking about your significant other all the time. Yes, in Key #5 we discussed how you should feel comfortable talking about your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you talk about.
You are still an individual who has other things going on in your world besides your significant other.
Not to mention, you don’t want to get to a point where you’re always emotionally dumping on them.
Your friends want to be supportive, but you need to make sure they have the emotional or mental capacity for your relationship conversations.
Not being present. It is such a mood killer to get together with your friends to catch up and spend time together, and they are constantly checking for their partner.
They can’t stop calling and texting them while you’re hanging out, or worse, obsessing over their social media. Like you could have just stayed home!
Acting like you can’t do anything without them. If you get into a relationship and your significant other gives you the princess treatment, that’s amazing and we love that for you! However, don’t come around your friends acting like you forgot how to do things for yourself.
Or acting like you can’t experience anything without them. For example, if you and your boo have a favorite show you watch together, cool, don’t watch that show with your friends. But after yall scrolled through Netflix 10 times, there has to be some show you can watch with your girls.
Be reasonable!
Your relationship deserves, and may even require a lot of your energy, and that’s okay. But you will be doing yourself a disservice if you leave no energy for your friendships at all.
Healthy friendships only benefit your life and relationships even more, so don’t lose sight of that!
What advice would you give someone in a relationship who wants to maintain and grow healthy friendships? Share in the comments below!
