60 WAYS TO BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND
In today’s climate, a lot of people are leaning on themselves for support.
They are either hyper-independent by choice or have been unsupported by loved ones for so long that it’s become their normal.
It’s disheartening when you really think about it because we weren’t created to go through life alone, yet as many of us navigate the journey we find ourselves doing just that.
But that’s not what God wants for you!
That’s also not what your friends want for you!
Your real friends would never want you to feel like you don’t have support.
The word support (by Google’s definition) means “to help someone or something in an emotional or practical way.”
But what does that actually look like?
The problem is that many of us don’t know how to be a supportive friend, or we only know how to give support in one way.
This blog post provides 60 things you can do or say to help you support a friend while they are navigating the ups and downs of everyday life.
The 4 Types of Social Support
I recently learned about these different types of social support and was able to easily recognize the type of support I often give.
While it’s great that I know how to be supportive at all, imagine if I had even more tools and resources to be there for my girls.
Just like our friends have their own friendship love language, they may also have their own preferences and comfort levels on how they like to receive support.
Learning these different approaches to providing support will help you become more well-rounded, making it easier for you to show up for your friends when they need you the most.
1| Emotional Support
This type of support is what most people are familiar with, and it typically includes things like listening, empathizing, expressing compassion, warm embraces/hugs, and validating feelings.
Emotional support gives people a sense of, “I feel understood,” “I feel heard,” and/or “I feel loved.”
2| Informational Support
For all my advice-giving lovers, this is where you shine!
Informational support is exactly what it sounds like, it’s the sharing of information.
This is giving tips, ideas, advice, personal experiences, guidance, suggestions, and wisdom on whatever circumstances your friend may be experiencing.
Quick Note
Depending on the situation, it would be prudent to ask if your friend would like the information you have to offer.
Sometimes they do want it, but at a later time. Sometimes they don’t want it at all. Asking first would be the best way not to offend them.
3| Tangible Support
For those of us whose love language is acts of service or gifts, this type of support will resonate with you.
Tangible support can look like the sharing of your resources, lending your helping hand, or giving material things that will aid your friend in their situation.
4| Esteem Support
This type of support is also known as appraisal support because it’s essentially you helping your friend assess her value.
You’re expressing confidence in your friend’s abilities, decision-making, life choices, and skills.
You’re encouraging her to believe in herself by reflecting on her strengths and past triumphs.
It’s affirming your friend that she can overcome any obstacle and that she is worthy of great things.
Support Your Friend’s Significant Life Changes
Check out how you can apply the 4 types of social support to help you support your friend’s significant life changes.
Getting Engaged/Married
Allow her to vent about wedding planning, marriage anxieties, her fiancé, etc. without criticism.
Share wedding planning advice from personal experiences or knowledge of other’s experiences.
Offer to throw an engagement party/bridal shower/bachelorette party.
Let your friend know how good of a wife she will be.
Handling Heartbreak
Be a safe space for her to vent about her pain and frustrations without judgment.
Share healing affirmations with her from Pinterest.
Offer to bring her food or take her out to dinner to ease her mind.
Remind her that just because this relationship didn’t work out doesn’t make her a bad partner. Let your friend know that she is still deserving of her own beautiful, happily ever after.
Dealing With Loss
If it’s within both of your comfort zone, embrace in a warm hug.
Share scriptures that will comfort her, and remind her of God’s grace and healing power.
Offer your presence (if she’s up for company) sit in her space, and be available for whatever she needs.
Let her know it’s okay to be sad and to grieve in any way that feels comfortable to her. Let her know there is no time limit for grief, and no right or wrong way to heal through it.
Moving
Be understanding of the fact that moving can be a stressful and overwhelming task, and let her know that you empathize with how scary it can be.
Share a moving packing list with her to help her organize.
Offer to help pack moving boxes or clean up the old place.
Tell her how brave she is for starting over or moving somewhere new.
Getting a New Job
Validate her feelings about starting a new position and let her know it’s okay to be nervous, excited, a little anxious, etc.
Share a blog post with tips on how to have a successful first day at a new job.
Get her a personalized gift for her new job (e.g. if she’s a teacher, get her a cute mug with her name on it).
Tell her how qualified she is for this new position and the positive impact she is going to make.
Having a Baby
Don’t forget about her. Just because she’s having a baby, doesn’t mean she doesn’t still need and want to spend time with her friends.
Send her information on mommy-to-be support groups that she could join.
Offer to help with the baby shower or preparing the baby’s room.
Let her know how amazing she will be as a parent, and remind her of how good she is at taking care of herself and others.
Support Your Friend’s Goals
Check out how you can apply the 4 types of social support to help you support your friend’s goals.
Losing Weight
Let her know she is beautiful as is, but you fully support her wanting to achieve this goal for her comfort and happiness.
Share fitness routines that she can follow (check out the blog post Friendship & Fitness to find some beginner routines).
Offer to go to the gym with her or do workouts together virtually.
Tell her how she can do anything she sets her mind to, and how you admire her being intentional about taking care of her health.
Saving Money/Paying Off Debt
Don’t put her in situations that will cause her financial distress. When planning to hang out, be mindful of her financial goals.
Share money-managing apps with her that you think would be useful.
Offer to be her accountability partner and do financial check-ins.
Remind her of a time when she achieved a goal because of her hard work, consistency, and discipline.
Passing an Exam
Be understanding that she may not be available as much while studying, and send her messages praying for her success.
Send her tips on effective studying methods.
Offer to help her study (e.g. practicing flash cards, quizzing her, or doing complicated equations together).
Let her know that she is smart and capable. Remind her that she knows the information and that she shouldn’t second guess herself.
Learning How to Cook
Don’t make her feel bad for not knowing how to cook, let her know a lot of people learn how to cook later in life.
Share easy cooking tutorials with her from social media platforms or send her some of your own recipes.
Offer to cook a meal together or take a cooking class together.
Hype her up when she makes a meal that she’s proud of, let her know she did her thing!
Growing in her Faith
Inform her that God loves her at every stage of her walk with him and that he loves her in every season of her life.
Share devotionals with her (100 Days of Believing Bigger is a fantastic one on Amazon).
Pray with her, in person, via Facetime, via text, by email, or in any way!
Remind her that she has been hand-picked by God, and made beautifully in Christ’s image.
Support Your Friend’s Dreams
Check out how you can apply the 4 types of social support to help you support your friend’s dreams.
For more, check out the blog post STOP CRUSHING YOUR FRIEND'S DREAMS to learn the negative impacts of being an unsupportive friend.
Starting a Small Business
Be a sounding board for her during her brainstorming sessions.
Find out what gives her the most anxiety about her business and research practical information about it that you can share with her (e.g. writing a business plan or getting the proper licensure).
Purchase her products/services and leave honest reviews.
Let her know that she is a boss babe! Tell her that when she puts her all into her work, it shows in how great the quality of her products/services are.
Starting a Media Platform or Blog
Acknowledge and celebrate her efforts and progress as she grows her platform.
Be a part of her market research and share with her what you love and hate about the type of platform she is starting so that she may learn from your experiences. (e.g. Maybe you love Tiktok videos that have amazing lighting, but hate Tiktok videos that don’t include captions, that’s useful information).
Subscribe to her platform and post about it on your social media.
Let her know that her voice is important, and that her audience cares about what she has to say, exactly how she says it.
Creating a Non-Profit
Let her know that her efforts matter and that she is making a difference.
Research other nonprofits in her niche and send her their website so that she may learn from others, or send their contact information if it’s available.
Assist in finding volunteers or helping her write her mission statement.
Tell her how proud you are of her that she’s making actionable change for the cause that she’s passionate about.
Becoming an Entertainer
Tell her that she has a gift from God and that he would want her to use that gift to bless others.
Send information on how she can promote and market her skills, while building her brand.
Share her promotional videos and posts on your social media.
Let her know how talented she is and remind her of the joy she feels when she’s using her gift. Encourage her to let that passion take the lead when she’s feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.
Being supported by our friends has many benefits.
It has a positive impact on our mental and emotional health, it enhances our self-esteem, validates our experiences, and draws us closer together.
You don’t have to break the bank or overextend yourself to be a supportive friend, you just have to be intentional about showing up when she needs you the most.
How do you like to be supported by friends? I’d love to hear in the comments below!
