HOW TO BUILD GENUINE COWORKER FRIENDSHIPS
If you were to ask me a year or so ago if I thought forming a friendship with a coworker was a good idea, my answer would have probably been “I don’t think so.”
Being friends with someone who worked at the same company as me was doable, but being friends with someone who worked on the same team as me seemed like it could be messy or unproductive.
My thoughts were always, Could I trust this person? Would this really be genuine or a friendship of convenience? Would this friendship appear unprofessional in my workplace?
While I don’t think these questions are inherently bad, they are rooted in fear.
Starting a new friendship with anyone can create a bit of fear, because it’s allowing someone into our lives with the hopes that they are there to add value and not do damage.
But having a friendship with a coworker creates even more concern, because its impact can have the potential to affect your professional life as well.
However, if you use discernment and approach starting a coworker friendship carefully, these friends can make your days so much better!
This blog post is here to help you navigate creating healthy, intentional friendships with coworkers that will stand the test of time (or even a new job)!
What to Do to Cultivate Healthy Coworker Friendships
Below you’ll find practical etiquette to follow to ensure you build a solid friendship with your coworker.
1| Find things in common besides work.
If the only thing you have in common with a coworker is work, then that relationship will get stale rather quickly.
It’s a good idea to see if you and your coworker have anything else in common that can be built upon.
Here are some easy things to connect over right away:
Hobbies (Ex: Dance or hiking)
Lifestyles (Ex: Being military spouses or being vegans)
Goals (Ex: Reading or exercising more)
2| Start slow.
A good practice might be to start getting to know more about them at a slower pace instead of jumping in headfirst.
For example, you could have lunch together at work first, then out to eat somewhere, and then if you feel comfortable, invite them to your home for dinner.
Don’t be so quick to add them on social media or tell them all of your business. You’re still getting to know them as more than just a coworker, and trust must be built.
3| Let your guard down.
While I don’t think you should rush the friendship process with a coworker, I also don’t think you should be so guarded that it makes it impossible for them to even get to know you.
You can share more than your favorite color or genre of music to allow them to learn more about you.
For example, it’s probably okay to let them know you have a significant other and what you guys did for a fun date night. It allows them to see what you like to do for fun, share suggestions, and get ideas from you.
4| Discuss boundaries.
Coming up with a list of things they better not do if they want to be my friend is not necessary when building a relationship with your coworker.
However, it is important to communicate boundaries you both would like to be respected to ensure there are no hiccups.
For example, let them know that you feel comfortable with giving them your phone number, but that you don’t want other coworkers to have access to your personal phone line.
If you don’t communicate your boundaries and they accidentally breach them, you will regret trying to establish a friendship with a coworker when it was really just a communication issue.
5| Do what you would normally do as an intentional friend.
We tend to assign different levels of value to the friends we have in our lives, and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it can affect how you treat your friends who may be on a different level.
What I mean by this is, maybe you consider a friend you’ve had for 10 + years to mean more to you than that coworker that you’re just starting to build a friendship with.
While that’s understandable, it’s important that we still make intentional efforts to pour into that newer relationship as well.
If you would buy a birthday gift for your bestie of 10+ years to celebrate their life, you should buy a gift for your new coworker friend to celebrate their special day too.
What Not to Do When Establishing Coworker Friendships
Here are some things you should try to avoid if you want to build a genuine friendship with your coworker.
1| Don’t only talk about work.
If the goal is to build a genuine friendship, then do that.
That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good venting session about work, but if that’s still going well over 30-45 minutes, it’s time to switch the subject.
This ties back to finding that common ground we discussed in the What to Do to Cultivate Healthy Coworker Friendships section.
2| Don’t talk about personal business at work.
If you and your new coworker friend have gotten to a level of trust where you’re telling intimate details of your life, keep one another’s confidence.
Don’t bring up sensitive information in the workplace, especially not in front of other people who work at your company.
Respect each other’s privacy.
3| Don’t bring friendship conflict to the workplace.
Now that you and your coworker friend have connected on a deeper level, there are occasions where friendship conflicts may arise as they do in any friendship.
Because you both chose to develop this friendship, you both have to be responsible enough not to bring the drama to the workplace.
Neither of you wants to risk making the other look bad, or worse, getting one another fired. Keep it cute, and keep it outside of the workplace.
4| Don’t take advantage of the friendship for career advancement.
Maybe this new coworker friend works on a team you would like to be on, or has a higher position than you, don’t take advantage of that.
While that friend may love the opportunity to help you in the capacity that they can, don’t make them feel obligated.
It can come off as if you’re using this relationship for professional gain, and that you’re truly not interested in building a genuine friendship.
5| Don’t mix friends right away.
If you just started building this coworker friendship, maybe wait a bit before deciding to introduce her to your already established besties.
You don’t want her to be intimidated by the friendships you already have established, and you don’t want your friends to feel like you’re bringing just any ole body into your mix.
This blog post on mixing friends goes into more detail about how to mix friends properly.
The Benefits of Having a Friend at Work
There are some great benefits to having a real friend in the workplace, check these out below.
1| You have support.
Let’s say you’re having a bad day, but you still have to go to work, it’s nice to know you have a friend at the job who would love to be there for you.
A friend who wants to brighten your day in any way that they can, be a shoulder to cry on, or just hold space for you.
2| The workplace is more fun.
There is nothing like enjoying a good laugh over your workplace’s messaging system, or looking forward to your lunch break together with a friend.
When you have more reasons to enjoy going to work, it can help reduce the stress that work can sometimes bring.
3| You build a better working relationship with each other.
If you and your coworker friend work on the same team or the same projects, you have a deeper level of trust with one another than you do with your other coworkers.
There is respect there that makes it easy to work together as a team, and you trust that you have each other’s best interest at heart.
4| You connect with someone different.
The people you meet at work are probably not the same kinds of people you naturally gravitate to in your personal life, and that’s a good thing!
You’d be surprised who you end up connecting with and how much you can learn from one another’s life experiences, backgrounds, skillsets, etc.
God will sometimes shake your beliefs, and show you that the people he wants in your life won’t always look and act the same.
5| You’re not alone.
Sometimes you can find yourself working somewhere where you feel like you’re the “only one.” You may even feel like an outcast that doesn’t fit in with the company’s culture.
So having a friend at work serves as a reminder that you are not alone.
A coworker friend can help prevent you from working in isolation, and feeling like you’re on an island by yourself.
As someone who liked to keep my professional and personal life separate, I could relate to the fear of crossing those lines.
However, as life would have it, I’ve had the opportunity to experience the beauty of having a coworker friend and I don’t regret it.
I wouldn’t recommend trying to be friends with everyone at work, but don’t be afraid to open your heart to a good one.
Have you ever made a friend in the workplace? If so, what was your experience like? Let me know in the comment box below!
