HOW TO NAVIGATE LONG-DISTANCE FRIENDSHIPS
If you were to look up advice on long-distance relationships, 99.9% of the time you will find advice relating to partner relationships, but what about friendships?
Long-distance friendships are incredibly common, but there is little discussion on how to grow and maintain them.
While some tips and strategies can be applied to both partner relationships and friendships, being away from your friends has a different impact than being away from your significant other.
Let’s figure out how to navigate these long-distance friendships together.
Long-Distance Friendship Challenges
Being away from any loved one brings along its own set of challenges, and friendships are no different. Let’s explore 4 common challenges faced with Long Distance Friendships.
1| Missing Out on Special Events and Milestones
Depending on how far away you live from your friends, there is the possibility of missing out on special occasions like birthdays, baby showers, and weddings.
Below you’ll find a few common reasons you miss out:
Insufficient PTO at Work – Being unable to take off as long as you would need to attend the event, having to factor in time for travel as well.
Expensive Travel costs – Being unable to find room in the budget to pay for transportation and accommodations, and have spending money.
Other Life Commitments – Being responsible for other commitments, like volunteering, that cannot be completed at your friend’s event location.
Missing out on these important events can also bring some serious FOMO, you can check out some tips on how to handle your fear of missing out here.
2| Missing In-Person Communication
We are fortunate to be living in a time where there are a variety of ways to communicate using technology, and we love that.
But there is something special about having face-to-face conversations with your friends in person.
There is a different exchange of energy that flows due to limited distractions, and the ability to pick up on each other’s body language. Assessing someone’s vibe by their non-verbal cues can influence a conversation more than you think.
For example, if you’re on FaceTime with a friend and a comment is made that your friend did not like, you may be unable to see that your friend's body has tensed up or if she started tapping her foot anxiously.
Also, the inability to be close physically can affect the intimacy a person might need to feel comfortable enough to share important information about themselves and their life.
3| Significant Time Difference
Depending on where you or your friends live, there could be an annoying time difference that affects the way you all can connect and communicate.
Using myself as an example, I live in Germany, and I am 6 hours ahead of most of my friends who live back in the United States on the east coast. This can be difficult because often when I am available to talk, they are sleeping, or at work, and vice versa.
It’s even worse when a friend in need tries to give you a call for support and you miss it. These instances can leave you feeling guilty or like you let your friend down.
4| Out of Sight, Out of Mind Mentality
I’m not saying that your friends have forgotten about you, or you have forgotten about them, but when you’re not around each other as much as you use to be, it becomes easier to no longer consider one another.
Before you might have discussed that new promotion you got at work over a celebratory cocktail, but now that an in-person happy hour is no longer an option, you failed to mention your promotion at all.
Over time, often without even realizing it, a collection of these moments go unshared, and you begin to feel more and more disconnected from one another.
These challenges almost make it seem impossible to have healthy long-distance friendships, but that’s just not true!
Now that we know some of the obstacles, let’s discover how to keep those friendships thriving!
How to Keep Your Long-Distance Friendships Flourishing
1| Schedule Catch-Up Calls
People either love or hate this idea.
The people who love it find it helpful to make sure they are making time for someone that they care about.
The people who hate it have a hard time grasping the idea of scheduling something that they feel should be organic or spontaneous.
While we love when friendship interactions happen naturally, the reality is that in long-distance friendships there are fewer opportunities for those moments to take place.
So, if we are to be intentional in our friendships, that means we have to go the extra mile to create the moments.
These catch-up calls only have to be as frequent as you and your friend would need, and that could be different in each of your friendships.
You may have one friend that you talk to once a month, and another you only catch up with four times a year, and both situations work out perfectly fine.
2| Organize Virtual Hangouts
Again, thanks to technology, there are now innovative ways to hang out with your friends without physically being together.
You can play games together online, watch your favorite shows while being on a video call, and even attend virtual events like women’s conferences or concerts.
Honestly, the possibilities are endless if you and your friends have an open mind and a willingness to make an effort, despite not being in person.
3| Send a Friendship Care Package
I don’t care what anyone says, everyone loves gifts. Inexpensive or expensive, that doesn’t matter as much.
There’s something about opening a gift that is packaged, wrapped, and put together with love that makes you feel special when tearing it open.
What you choose to put inside the care package can be anything from their favorite snacks to a unique gift that you know they would appreciate. This is where you get to reflect on who your friend is, their likes and dislikes, and all the things you love about them.
Sending a long-distance friendship gift is simply a creative way to show how much you care about your friend, and allows you to be thoughtful.
4| Plan to Get Together
Of course, we miss the days when we could easily pop over to a friend’s house and hang out for no reason at all other than to enjoy each other’s company, but as we grow older it’s just not that simple.
We have to be intentional about making time to spend time with one another, and that comes with evaluating schedules, taking off work in advance, blocking off calendars, and budgeting.
While I know that does not sound the most appealing, it is the most realistic. There is beauty in planning these special occasions, knowing you always have something to look forward to.
Whether you’re planning an activity-filled girls trip or a quick weekend getaway to relax, the purpose is to come together, reconnect, have fun, and be there for one another.
Maintain Realistic Expectations
It’s important to check your expectations about how you can be there for your friend and how they can be there for you in your long-distance friendship.
You can still be an intentional friend, it will just look different from what you’re used to.
Check out these scenarios below of how you could connect with, learn, and support your friend, even from far away.
Connection
In-Person: Every Monday you rotate going to each other’s homes to watch your favorite show together.
Long-Distance: Every Monday you get on the phone or video chat and watch your favorite show together at the same time on your TVs or utilize a streaming platform that syncs the show online.
Learning
In-Person: You get together for brunch at least once a month and catch up on all things work, relationships, and overall wellness.
Long-Distance: You schedule a catch-up call and cook and eat brunch together while being on the phone.
Support
In-Person: Whenever your friend had a tough day, you would take her out for drinks or come over with a bottle of wine.
Long-Distance: You send her a digital gift card to her favorite restaurant with an encouraging note and make sure you’re available to talk if she is feeling up to it.
The reality is that you want to be closer, but you’re not. How you deal with this hard truth dictates how you will show up in your friendships.
You can either let it be a challenge that drives you apart or brings you closer together.
Hey, it is true what they say, distance does make the heart grow fonder.
Have you ever had a long-distance friendship? Feel free to share in the comment box below how you and your friend navigated that season of your lives.
